Who is leading your life?

Who is leading your life? It's a fairly simple question when you think about it. Right? As a Christian you could give a super spiritual answer... The Lord leads my life! But is that entirely true?! I am about to become as transparent as a glass of water, if that offends you turn your computer off now! I have always been lead by my emotions. If I was sad I was lead by that. If I was angry I would base decisions on that. If I was happy I would be more happy then anyone I knew. This rollercoaster of emotions is a pretty scary ride. One I do not encourgae anyone to get on.

    One day I thought I had figured out the trick to not get so "sick" on this ride! A man can just make everything better! Brilliant! Why hadn't I thought of this fix sooner?! Life would have been so much easier! Haha.. you laugh at this silly notion but hundreds of girls choose this ride. I loved this guy! I made him my everything! My world! I thought about him. I always wanted to be with him. I was consumed by him. I started to lose my identity in him. Oh I guess this  would be the time I mention I am a Christian. I know all you super spiritual readers will wonder why I put a man before God. I didn't know any better. I kept walking down this road with this boy. I fell in love with this boy, all the while losing myself a little more each day. Now please don"t hear what I am not saying. He wasn't a bad guy. He tried his best to be everything I needed. It wasn't his job. I replaced God with a boy.

   God was dying to get to know me. I had only been saved not quite a year when I meet this boy. God wanted me to fall in love with Him. I feel in love with a boy. God wanted me to depend on Him. I turned to the arms of a guy. God wanted me to find peace, joy and love in Him. Instead I did it on my own and filled the void with the only thing I knew, a relationship. The only relationship I should have focused on was my relationship with God. When I took my eyes off Him, I began to unravel.

   The burden proved to heavy and the relationship ended to which i still feel the sting of loss. My identity was gone. I had no idea who I was. I had no idea who I was suppose to be. All I ever was, was his g/f. I am still picking up the pieces.

   No one told me it would be quite this hard. I am on a different path now. My peace is found in Him. My joy and gladness come from Him. My identity is found in Him. I am a child of the most high God. I am loved. I am cherished. I am satisfied. To know God is to know love. To know God is to know peace. To know God is to know exactly who I am and not waivering. Not comprominig and not changing my convictions. I am who I am b/c of Jesus. I will be who I become b/c of Jesus.